Some Ways to End Hatred

This article is mostly about reducing hatred and the misery it causes in America, but in the background is the rest of the world, which I mention because of what it and America now have in common. We and many other countries now stand on a precipice. At the bottom is the hellish existence we all face if we don’t solve several terrible problems we share including global warming, poverty, the decline of mental health, and hatred and its associates racism and anti-semitism. These problems will be solved more easily if all countries collaborate to share ideas and to help each other.

While current U.S. leadership thinks being a loner makes America great, the world is now so small that other countries seem to live just down the block. We need to get busy, with or without presidential help, rekindling old friendships with other countries and repairing strained relationships with them so we can make our efforts at home to stop hatred also become worldwide efforts to stop it. Many cities outside our country are protesting the murder of George Floyd, watching how we handle this moment, and I think rooting for us to find ways to solve these problems.

Our next step here however must be to arrest the officers who did not try to stop the murder. I hope that’s happened by the time this is published. This doesn’t mean they’re guilty and is not a trial. But doing nothing will only incite further protests which may cause more destruction, or cause our unstable president to again make matters worse by intimidating, offending, and harming protesters with absurdly inappropriate military might.

Next, we all need to see and hear serious talk followed by immediate action, about police reform and about equality for all in this country. The president should stay out of it since his only interest as everyone knows is in getting elected again.

There must be ongoing clear communication with the public about how the case is proceeding including plans for a trial, what plans have already been discussed on changing policing, and what else is in the works now to show we’re serious about laws and reforms that will stop this terrible cancer in our culture. The point is the people need to see action now.

To accomplish what must be the immediate raising up of all who are downtrodden here (now an emergency of the highest order) we need not just the help of government leaders but also business leaders. On CNN this past week Martin Luther King III called at one point for large businesses to help. I agree, because with some thought and effort they can help provide or at least encourage creation of more jobs, higher minimum wage, a racism-free work atmosphere, funding for media campaigns that encourage the same, and more. All businesses need to strive to do this, but Big Business’s big money does talk and can get big things done.

Also critical is the need for better laws at federal, state, and local levels, which must include a strong focus on safe and fair voting, ethically-run elections, much more support for the poor, homeless, unemployed and underemployed, fairness, justice, equal opportunity, and elimination of hunger and homelessness. If all this change requires giving checks to everyone below a certain income, that’s what we need to do (see Annie Lowrey’s book Give People Money).

Our government, business leaders, and educational and research institutions all need to support decent housing and ways to provide more healthy food, including eliminating food deserts and repairing and beautifying now-downtrodden neighborhoods, adding to them healing nature with trees and parks, and adding a sense of safe community by helping business owners open stores and establish cafes, coffee shops, etc. that include outdoor seating. All American cities need more of those amenities that add nature and a place to meet and feel community, because researchers say we are chronically nature-starved and too isolated socially for the most part. But poor communities often have not one of these benefits, and the resulting atmosphere adds to their feelings of hopelessness.

Mayors of cities have already banked up a lot of wisdom, and often have to come up with solutions to big problems with no outside help. Both singly and together with other mayors they’ve been wonderfully innovative. In this case we need them to assure citizens first that there will be immediate police reform, and then to help secure the requirements such as better pay and more food that are mentioned above. Governors hopefully will also help with these changes throughout their states. When federal leadership is lacking, governors and mayors have shown they get a great deal done by helping each other, so we can hope that will continue at least until there is a competent president again.

Chiefs of police are clearly also important in this process, and besides being good leaders of the force must be also humanitarian leaders, and teachers in the community. One critical task they have now is to stop allowing people to become police officers who were once playground bullies, or who ever showed the slightest indication of a bent toward cruelty, sadism, or obsession with weapons, or showed any other psychopathology.

Psychologists who understand police work, then, need to be hired to develop tests and interviews that reveal such personalities, so they are not hired. Once officers are cleared and hired, they should be required to sign contracts that.pledge to respect and treat humanely every individual they encounter. They need to be coached in helping to reduce racism and hatred in their communities, and informed that any actions or comments to the contrary will not be tolerated. Oversight and laws will probably be needed to ensure that these changes are made and adhered to.

The media and ad agencies can help us reach an entire swath of people who are prejudiced in many different ways and for many reasons. Some hate anyone not white, others hate Jews, the list goes on. They’re out there and we’ll probably never know how many there are, but the idea is to reach them and try to help them see why it’s best for everyone including them not to continue this way. This requires educating people wherever possible, not just in school and at home but in workplaces, on TV with messages and shows suitable for both kids and adults, and on billboards, posters, and signs in front of homes as we already see now in some places.

I’ve always believed, perhaps being too much of an optimist, that civilization would finally evolve, becoming kind, empathetic, and wise. Here and there there’s been a glimmer of hope, but given our problems now, that’s not enough. The time to evolve is here. It’s too late for a slow change because this is an emergency. I believe we can do it, and the rest of the world might just follow.

Let the murder of George Floyd help carry us to that new place we should have gotten to long before now. In this new evolved era we’ll need to understand that to stop hate, nothing is likely to work as well as the power of kindness and empathy. Many of us don’t think about these concepts often, so the concepts might have to be taught, and then practiced. Still, good laws will be needed as backup to protect the rights of all during those times when some forget to practice this new ethic of kindness.

Many cynics, or other people who somehow enjoy feeling prejudice, may sneer at the idea of kindness, empathy, and generosity being the norm, and the accepted way to work, govern, and live. Let them. Then remind them that the alternative is further disintegration into the tragic morass in which we now find ourselves. Explain that we all need people to recognize that hate and fear of others gets in the way of happiness for everyone, and often causes much of the harm and suffering in our world.

Teachers in our schools can help deliver this message by promoting kindness and empathy in the classroom and on the playground. They can stop bullies immediately, and then teach them why that behavior is so bad for them and for the world. If the children are bullied at home they need to be counseled and helped. There should be school psychologists available who can help detect whether there is abuse at home or in the child’s neighborhood.

Although many have tried unsuccessfully in the past, each of us needs to continue to encourage and model that because someone’s color or religion is different there is no need to fear or hate them, and that we can all be friends, and benefit a great deal from the friendship. It needs to be a ubiquitous message, at least until there is change. We need to emphasize that friends are important, and that it’s wonderful to have many of all kinds because the mental health boost given us by having such a supportive community is said by researchers to make us happier and even more physically healthy. More happy people seem likely to help to make the world a happier, less violent place. We need to get across that being together as one people is actually possible, and is much better for us than division and hate. Children need to get this message too, early and often.

To further encourage this togetherness, I can report that rapper Killer Mike, asked by Stephen Colbert on his show what else we all can do to help, requested that we donate to and/or volunteer to work with one or more of the many grassroots organizations trying to help African Americans in many cities, such as Movement for Black Lives, and commit to doing this for some time.

I’ve mentioned ad experts and the media. They can help by crafting and showing messages and PSAs that remind us that treating others kindly is no longer just a nice thing but is essential, and that not getting to know those who are different out of fear and old hatreds makes our lives much duller and surely less joyful. I’m no ad expert but here are some of my (rough) ideas for marketing slogans, which I imagine might have some good art to accompany them: “Love people. Most of us are really cool,” or “Love. It feels so much better than hate,” or “Most people are fascinating. Don’t hate them. Get to know them!” And there’s an older one that’s still good: “Live and Let Live,” or another version of it I came up with: “Live and Help Others Live.”

A nationwide deep apology is also now called for, and it should come from every business and government leader.

We can do this. The wrongs that have been done are clear. If we can’t make this cultural shift toward changing from hate to love, then the tyranny and suffering will continue. If we can’t manage to turn toward kindness as the American way of life, we are not only pathetic, we are lost.

IN MEMORIAM

For a Country and a Planet

The planet, a diverse paradise of oceans, rivers, mountains, forests, and plants and animals of unimaginable beauty, was the only one in its solar system inhabited by all these, and by sentient beings called humans, or people. Many of the people lived joyous, peaceful lives, yet some sometimes became ill with unfounded fears about each other that led to hatred, tyranny, and even wars they never learned to prevent even though each was more terrible than the last. Eventually their weapons became more ferocious, until they were so powerful they could destroy large swaths of the planet and all that lived on it. 

Despite it being clear that humans were imperfect and often made mistakes or became unbalanced, no one stopped the creation of the weapons and the use of materials that could make more of them. Neither did they stop creating smaller weapons that caused murders of many of the people by only a few individuals. It seemed that no one could stop them because powerful groups of people who were addicted to weapons would not allow it. There was more and more killing followed by crippling sadness in people who lost those they loved.  

Some of the most powerful people were so consumed with their own desires that they ignored the suffering of all others, including the people whose loved ones were killed in mass slaughters. It became clear many were killed mostly because they were not the same white color as most of those in power, or prayed in a different way from them. During this same period, many of the powerful also ignored the looming demise of the planet, as it grew sick from toxins created by the peoples’ industries, showing its grave need through increasingly dangerous fires, storms, deaths of species, and destruction of the natural areas that made it so beautiful. In the end the powerful people let the desperate planet struggle until it died, taking with it all living beings, most of whom had been innocent, kind, and good. 

The pieces of land called countries had looked for guidance to one country considered the greatest, whose founders had possessed great vision. But in this country’s latter days one of its temporary leaders, elected under murky circumstances never completely understood, began to talk of permanently extending the job he had already made into something like the reign of a king. Unlike his predecessors, he was mad and sick with power and greed, and devoid of the great human quality of empathy. He worked both openly and in secret to undermine every effort of those fighting to save the people, the country, and the planet from each other’s weapons and from the planet’s illnesses. 

He soon was acknowledged as the country’s first leader desiring to be what people called a dictator. These were the worst leaders in this world’s history, and always left suffering and death in their wake. Though already wealthy and powerful, he took advantage of his position to gain yet more, despite the cost to the country and the planet. To this end he put in powerful positions people who thought as he did or who would do what he commanded without question. 

The people began to suffer from fear and grief as they watched him destroy laws and rules that had protected them and their beautiful world, and make new ones that made them feel unsafe, causing endless worry and stress. They saw him align himself with other dictators, and with a growing group of people that, like some similar groups in the past that were responsible for murdering millions, spread hatred of all those different from them. They watched him befriend yet others who seemed to love weapons, and who, when grieving families worked to ban them, blocked their every attempt. It didn’t matter to the dictator or his allies how many lives the weapons took. Their turning away from the suffering created a well of sorrow in the country so wide and deep that an anguished cry for the country’s sake was heard throughout the planet. Yet they let the deaths and the mourning of the people, and the destruction of the beautiful planet go on and on. All that seemed to matter to them was wealth and power. The dictator himself believed he was all-powerful, as indeed he seemed to be.  

He and his associates came to symbolize to the people all that was immoral, unethical, cruel, and–in the end we would have to say–evil. Some who could have stopped him were afraid of losing their own positions, so remained silent and continued to obey him. They too became symbols of cruel indifference. The people began to call them all by a name reserved in their history for those they’d reviled the most: traitors. The powerful had betrayed with stunning heartlessness their fellow humans, the great country’s founders, and the beautiful planet with its marvelous creatures.

Who can say if there will ever again exist such a wondrous world, or beings similar to those of that planet, now lost to us? The creator or whatever force made it would have to find a way to make intelligence in each being a trait infused with abhorrence of hate, greed, and tyranny. All people including leaders would need to be born with generosity and the desire for peace ingrained in their very cores. Until such a marvelous thing occurs, all we can say further about this world that contained so much raw material from which could be made such a beautiful existence, is that we miss it, and we will long mourn its passing.

No Excuses

No Excuses

Around the world people are starving, others are suffering as war rages around them, water resources are endangered, rain forests are disappearing, the ever more dangerous effects of climate change are increasing, and fellow humans at home are under constant attack by people filled with hate, Instead of being a world leader in attacking these problems, our country’s leaders are busy avoiding the wrath of the NRA while mass murders continue to accelerate.

There is no excuse for this kind of supremely selfish, cowardly behavior in those in power in what used to be the leader of the free world. It’s an atrocity that background checks and banning assault weapons is even under discussion as people are mowed down or lie in hospitals wounded and dying, and millions of others  fear for their lives and the lives of their children.

Stringent background checks and banning of ALL assault weapons and ways to make them should be immediate with NO DISCUSSION.

To do less or wait one minute longer can be considered nothing other than immoral, unethical, and yes, criminal. Leaders who are blocking this, and NRA, this is what you are will be remembered for.

A Note to and for Haters, Killers of All Kinds, and Certain Government Officials

I’ve been writing about hate and killing for some time now since they’re hardly compatible with my goal of helping us create less-stressed American cities. I agree with many of the suggestions offered by caring people about these matters, and here add my own specific ones, some of which may seem naive but–some readers tell me–that help them to feel more hopeful. I realize some of these suggestions will seem extreme to some (such as no guns, period). Yet in the end we have to get our heads out of the sand and acknowledge that the problems we to need solve in order to stop the violence are deeply embedded in our society, encouraged by leaders who are part of those problems. So it shouldn’t be surprising that the changes needed are dramatic. 

Our problems are not just from the bigotry now being considered fine by some, or from fear of those not like us, but also from our general acceptance of violence and weapons as necessary. Neither prejudice nor guns are necessary in a civilized society, and if we made the society more civilized with laws and whatever else it takes to show we value lives and peace, more of us would see that. (Isn’t a civilized society the goal? ) It’s not normal that some people see hate and violence as normal.

Each time there’s a massacre and whenever there’s cruelty or killing, I find I’m thinking the same thought. That is that along with gun control (at least) and the other changes most sensible people want, we also need deep and thoughtful change in our culture, and much of it should involve promoting kindness and empathy at every level and in every corner of the culture. Maybe that kind of change is what will finally convince those in elected office or otherwise in power that when they don’t act to stop mass murder and suffering, when their own personal goals come before the lives of others, they must accept some of the blame.

FOR THOSE WHO HATE

(The bold print below is accidental and so far we’ve been unable to return it to normal print. Please read as regular print–thanks.)

If you hate a certain group of people, or even one person, there are numerous ways you can turn off that hate, and it’s a good idea to try to do that. If you were trained to hate–and most people who hate have been trained–you owe it to others, to the world, and mostly to yourself to un-train yourself. There are many ways to do this. Practice empathy and kindness even if that’s new for you. Stop hanging out with other haters, and do whatever else you can to get yourself to the other side where you can learn about and begin to care for your neighbors. If you get to know your neighbors or acquaintances of other colors or backgrounds you’ll likely find they’re really cool people, nice to be with, and often have interesting life stories to tell. If you ask you’ll learn about their cuisine, how they like to party, what they miss from back home and what they love here. Your own life story is also of great interest–everyone’s is. So why not tell it to them, while removing prejudice, fear, rage, and cruelty from your mind. Then your life has a better chance to end up a happy and peaceful one, which is much harder to accomplish if you live in a cloud of hatred. 

Remind yourself that people can’t help where they were born, what color their skin is, or who their parents are. Put yourself in their shoes if they’re not like you, and stay there a few minutes. Realize that all most of them want is a chance to have a reasonably happy, healthy life, like you do. Many of us struggle with how to do that, and the struggle is hard enough without having to deal with hatred, violence, and the horrific loss of life mass shooters cause. 

If you’re still consumed with hate or the urge to harm, ask for help. One place you can get it is to google local mental health resources in your area and try to connect with one. One helpful national site (and group) is MHFA or Mental Health First Aid. Try going there to see their huge list of resources that can help with any kind of mental illness or pain. One of many helpful pages there is https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/mental-health-resources/

Or go to a place online that’s about more positive emotions such as ways to be happier. One of many sites that may be helpful is https://www.sparringmind.com/be-happy/ . Or learn about how prejudices are formed, at a site like Very Well Minds, on this page:  https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-prejudice-2795476 

If you’ve read any history you may know that often the reasons people are taught to hate are based on false premises. A common human weakness is to find someone else to blame for our troubles even when it makes no sense. Other people may harm us at times, sure, but when entire groups, races, or religions are made into scapegoats you can bet the reasons for it don’t ring true. So stop believing things you hear coming out of the mouths of racists and bigots and get over your prejudices that some pathetic, clueless website, friend, or relative taught you. 

Look the rest of us straight in the eye and tell us that if you didn’t live here and were being persecuted or threatened, that you wouldn’t want to come to a freer country like this one where you thought you could be safe and have at least some kind of work. Persecuted people and refugees have done this throughout history. You know you’re a hypocrite if you say you wouldn’t do the same. Many immigrant families by the way come from places where family ties are close. This often makes them secure and loving people just because close families often foster those good feelings. That means they’re very nice people to know. All such families I’ve met tend to be warm, caring, and kind.

So please come out of the dark ages and stop accusing them of things they aren’t doing, and stop trying to hurt them. Maybe even try this: help them. Helping people makes the helper happier–too many researchers have found that to be true for you to doubt it. Try it. You’ll like it.

GUNS & THE ACT OF KILLING  

A great many people, myself included, believe there’s no excuse for killing for any reason, period. In fact by now we should have evolved enough as a species to be done with all killing including that done in wartime as a way to solve problems (we should be done with war as well). But even if we’re temporarily forced to participate in or suffer through wars by greedy, angry, selfish, and power-mad leaders, we don’t have to also kill each other at home.

As for guns themselves, they don’t belong in a peaceful, civilized society, end of story. Hunters, you won’t like this, but even killing animals for whatever reason has got to bring out something in you that cringes, doesn’t it? Truly evolved humans, in my view, should abhor inflicting pain on any other living thing. As long as a bunch of us go ahead and kill things (and most of us really don’t need that deer meat do we?) it will be easier for humans to find killing and maiming okay. 

That’s why I believe guns of ANY kind should be banned, and nothing short of that is acceptable. I’m not a naive wacko, I’ve just had enough. Haven’t you? Let’s say you still insist on having a gun. Whether or not you’re a member of the NRA, don’t you find it outrageous and kind of sickening that this group that tries to keep lots of guns around at all costs actually controls many of our elected officials? 

TO CERTAIN GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS

You’re not fooling anyone when you act only to protect your title as representative or senator or President, while letting suffering and injustice continue. No rep of mine who does that will ever get my vote again. Act to protect people from hate and gun violence now, and get ALL of it done, not just tiny steps.  And no I don’t want the death penalty–that’s just more violence, cruelty, and death.  Enough. 

OTHER KILLING IN OUR CULTURE ADDS TO THE GENERAL VIOLENCE

Because I believe that killing anything makes killing something else easier, I also believe we should stop the horrifying practice of animal agriculture. We may not personally hear the tortured, terrified cries of animals headed to and going through slaughter, but we know they’re out there, 24 hours a day. We know unless we lie to ourselves that that pain we cause, directly, or indirectly with our dollars, can’t be good for us either. When we do such things to other living things it should ring alarm bells in us, and I believe it would go along way toward creating a happier, more peaceful culture if we paid attention to those alarms.

Besides it also being awful for the environment and the fact that we can feed many more people with plants, continuing this practice means a certain number of humans–many who would rather not have such jobs but can find no other—will be forced to carry out that cruelty for hours a day even if it causes them great personal pain (the evidence is that it does for many of them, and they are never the same again).


I’m convinced that one day slaughtering for food as well as hunting for “sport” will be universally decried for the barbarous acts they are, that we’ll be seeing very few mass killings of people then as well, and that those two changes will be at least somewhat connected. This is why I include comments about animal killing when I write about hate and mass shootings of humans. Killing and causing suffering is too widely accepted in our culture, even though most of us don’t participate. It’s in the air too much. So I’m suggesting a holistic approach to stopping violence by stopping all violence of all kinds, so we get out of the habit of seeing and accepting it.

(Note: For a more detailed piece on some of these ideas, go to this blog’s first-ever post, written after the Parkland massacre.)